REST

I had a tough day yesterday. Not sure why. Do you ever have those days where everything that you've either been dealing with or struggling with just comes to the surface and by the end of the day you are just DONE? That was me yesterday. 

My oldest got to stay home yesterday due the power being out at his school after a large wind storm (he's home again today because the power is still not back). We took a spur of the moment trip up to visit with my mom so I could get the boys out of the house and a little chance of scenery. We had a great time. My dad even came home from work early to play with the boys which was wonderful. They LOVE playing with their grandparents and I think my parents enjoy it just as much (if not more) than my boys. 

Headed back in the afternoon so my youngest could take a little rest on the way home (an hour drive) and I was listening to worship songs (as I often do). This particular song spoke to me yesterday. It's like God just wanted me to remember that he's right there in the midst of what I feel like my mess is. All he wants to do is for me to call on Him, snuggle up in His lap, let Him hold me, and just REST.

Cecei's Lullaby: Steffany Gretzinger

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xSDkn9PtQm0

Call my name
And I will answer 
All you need
It's here inside my arms
Just breathe
And you'll be safe and sound with me

No one knows you better than me
No one's been a better friend

So rock-a-bye baby
Come and rest
You've been tired lately
Lay your head down
Don't you think, baby
I know best
I've been a father
For a long time

No one knows you better than me
No one's been a better friend 

This pregnancy has been tough. Physically tough. There's really no other way to explain it. I have had bad sciatica issues with the last 3 pregnancies (although it actually started after my first was born), with each pregnancy it seems to start way earlier...so for baby #4, it was probably around month 4 that it started to creep in. It's a constant struggle each day to figure out how much is too much to do before I'm not able to walk (and I still have at least 8 weeks to go). I've figured out that I have about 30 min of general "to do" tasks and then I need to stop or else I wont be able to do much the rest of the day (to do tasks include simple clean up around the house, not any deep cleaning....doing 3 loads of laundry takes me out). Today was no exception. The boys and I had run to the store this morning for a few essentials (like fruit, bread, and of course Cadbury eggs for mama). We got home and I had rented a movie for them to watch for the 2nd "no power at school" day home. I decided that the bathrooms needed to be cleaned (hello, a boy bathroom needs at least 2 cleanings a week...plus we have a potty training boy toddler added to the mix this week!) AHHH! So I cleaned the boys bathroom and went to move on to the master bathroom. Got about 1/2 way done and my sciatica acted up so badly that I had to stop. I had to stop. That's not something I'm used to doing. The fact that I actually stopped and knew that I couldn't do more was a huge success for me (ask my husband and my good friends). I'm a doer, I like to get things accomplished, I enjoy taking care of my home, I enjoy cleaning, and to not be able to because I physically can't is tough. It was so bad that I had to get out my new special preggo pillow and lay down in it (one of the only ways I can get some relief to make it through the rest of the day). Bless my boys' hearts. They were still watching their movie, my youngest gave my hip kisses and covered me with a blanket and says "don't worry mommy, I wont jump on you" (my boys like to rough house with each other), my oldest came and sat next to me and just wanted to snuggle in to make sure I was ok (he's my sensitive one, love that about him).

My oldest thinks he's pretty funny. Check out my cool blanket from my youngest and the mess that's going to continue getting messier on my kitchen counters (pic courtesy of my oldest).

 

As I was laying down in my pillow I just felt this song pressing on my heart again and Father reminding me that it's okay to REST. It's okay to not do anymore today. All I need to do is release it to Him and let Him hold me and take care of me the rest of the day. Sigh....how awesome is that? How amazing is it that we have a Dad who loves us so much and all he desires is for us to lay our struggles, worries, burdens, triumphs, joys, pains, and all those feeling at His feet and let him hold us in whatever mess we are in. I've felt a lot of different emotions the past two weeks. Just keeping it real. With the pregnancy taking it's toll on me, plus the loss of a good friend unexpectedly to cancer (who was also a wonderful mama to 3 babies under the age of 4), plus the joys that come with motherhood and the amount of love I have for my kids that I just sometimes cannot fathom how it's possible to love them as much as I do, plus the overwhelming love I have for my rock star husband who has done so much for me these past few months when I haven't been able to do as much as I typically do, plus feeling anxious and scared at a new calling I feel like the Lord is directing me in (ahem...I am actually writing my feelings down in a public forum), guilty feelings for not being able to do as much as I typically do, and lots more, but at least it gives you an idea. And isn't it so comforting that Father just tells us to come and rest and let him hold us in those moments and that He's got us.

I don't know about you, but my plan for the remainder of the day is the REST. For me that might be more of a physical rest, but I know it will also be an emotional rest in Him as I give him the raw emotions on my heart and let him speak to me as I find my REST in Him. What will you today to find your rest?